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Bottled Creative Juices with Bonus Epiphany Chunks


Before you try this juice, let me warn you that only a few people who have actually partaken have ever lived to tell the tale. One of those guys is Chuck Norris. That's how potent this stuff really is. So think before you buy.

Up for sale: My fresh-squeezed creative juices placed in a bottle and sealed for your protection. As a bonus, there are a few epiphany chunks floating around inside. Why did I float in some epiphany chunks? That's a fair question… if you're totally stupid.

Now listen. It's a difficult and painful process to extract all that creative juice from my bean. And epiphany chunks are hard to come by. So I won't be letting this bottle go for less than my asking price.

Purchase Prequalification Questionnaire
  1. Do you currently have hair on your chest?
  2. Do you ever use the words poopy, diarrhetic, or abba-esque?
  3. Do you shave with a razor or do you just stare your whiskers into submission?
  4. Have you ever punched your way out of a buried coffin?
  5. Have you ever referred to your car as a honeywagon?
  6. What length is the blade of your samurai sword?
  7. What rhymes with orange?
  8. What fluid do you use to clean your Chinese throwing stars?
  9. Where do you store your collection of human skulls?
If you answer ALL of these questions correctly, you might be qualified to make a purchase.